


Seedlings

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Backstory, Extra Treat, F/M, Night, Trick or Treat: Treat, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-20 21:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: Suu Lawquane grows up and dreams of the stars.





	Seedlings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anaraine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anaraine/gifts).



At nineteen, Suu fell in love. Her mother fretted at her. Human men never held good intentions towards Twi'lek women, and certainly not towards wide-eyed girls who ought to be focusing on their chores instead of stories from traveling traders looking for a good time. Her father had more to say. It wasn't enough that he allowed his daughter to attend school? There were names for girls who spent their hours hanging onto the arms of offworlders, and he wouldn't bear hearing Suu called by any of them. She needed to stop seeing that human and start thinking about her future.

"You should consider marriage," her mother said. "Plant yourself on a good farm with a good, hardworking man and grow me a crop of grandchildren."

"You're a pretty girl," her father said. "You could have a rich husband if you stopped school. No one wants a wife who's smarter than he is."

"You deserve to get what you want," her sweetheart said, with a twinkle in his eye. "Let me show you the stars." 

The choice was easy.

The cargo freighter held a tiny cockpit, an even tinier sleeping compartment for the both of them, and plenty of space to haul the spice from his last deal on Ryloth. The smell of ryll filled the ship, ground in to the bulkheads like the rich-sweet sweat of the miners, making her dizzy. As the ship lifted off, her heart swelled, delighting in the sight of her homeworld falling away from under her, and all the stars in the sky opening in a rich, deep black.

As the ship entered hyperspace, the rush of flight and the thick spice in the air sent her head spinning, and warmed the desire she'd felt for him since they'd first met. She'd not slept with him back home, despite what her parents had feared. Now he led Suu to the small bunk, kissing her neck, stroking her lekku eagerly. She kissed him back, enjoying the freedom of kissing the man she wanted to kiss and no one to tell her otherwise. She wanted to spend time exploring the soft hair on his arms and the shape of his ears, and the taste of his hands, but his desire was more burning. They coupled quickly, and she gasped in pain as her body adjusted to the new, thick intrusion.

'Ruined,' Suu thought for one moment. Her family would call her ruined.

The pain faded as he shifted inside her, and she was left with nothing but sweet pleasure as they moved together. This was where she belonged: among the stars in the arms of the man she loved.

The stars watched when they made love in the cockpit of the ship between worlds, and the stars listened when they argued over the best course to take. "I have been doing this for years, Suu," Ordin would always say to end the fight. "You don't know anything about trading yet. I'll teach you."

He would also teach her how to barter, and how to pilot his ship. Some day. Each time she brought the matter up, he would tell her a few things about the controls, but soon enough, they'd be tangled together in happy delay.

For reasons that seemed laughable in retrospect, she'd thought he wouldn't spend time in bars and cantinas now they were together. "It's just business," he told her after another night spent away, his breath rich with alcohol. "The people I work with prefer to meet in these places."

"Then you should take me with you. I can learn how to do the same."

He shook his head. "You don't want to get into this end, Suu. You know I love you," he said, with that smile he knew warmed her, "but nobody is going to take a Twi'lek girl seriously in a negotiation."

"They will underestimate me."

"They will eat you alive," he said, but after enough requests, he gave in. The cantina back home had been a social gathering place for their town, with cheap meals and drinks for the miners and the slightly upcharged same for offworld travelers who came from the local spaceport. Children ran under tables to meet their parents at the end of a mining shift. Adolescents sat in clustered packs, watching each other in the new awkwardness that came of no longer being children. Grandfathers argued over the scores of decades-old sporting matches and grandmothers argued over decades-old gossip, and everyone stopped to sing when the miners too deep in their glasses became maudlin.

The cantina Ordin brought her to had no children running in and out of the doors. The patrons old enough to be grandparents looked as though they may have eaten their own offspring. The air crowded with a blend of smokes, most foul and a few disturbingly sweet.

"Stay next to me, and don't say anything," Ordin told her. Suu had her own opinion on that, but before she could get him alone to say so, three men approached the table they'd chosen. The tallest offered Ordin twenty credits for Suu for the night.

She felt her stomach clench. Her lover's face stayed smooth. "Sorry, no. She's not for sale or rent."

One of the other men jostled his friend. "Fifty," said the tall one.

She went to stand, and felt Ordin's hand clench on her wrist, holding her beside him at the table. "I'm not her owner, boys." She relaxed. "But he told me if anything was to happen to her, he'd rip my head off and use it for a kickball." He offered up the same smile. "But when he gets back, I'll let him know you dropped by."

The men left. Suu yanked her arm back the moment she felt the pressure relax. "I am not property. Not yours. Not anyone's."

"I know that. If I let them think you are, they'll leave you alone. I wish things were different, but they're not."

He left her at the table to meet with his newest business prospects. Suu wanted to join him, but he waved her away. "Let's not distract him with how pretty you are." She sat, and she put on a smile when Ordin nodded her way to show her to his potential clients. The night deepened and she hated the smoke smell in the air, hated the thin drinks she nursed over the hours to stay sober while he worked, hated the possessive way his arm went around her shoulders every time he rejoined her at the table.

"I want to go back to the ship."

"We can't right now. I'm working."

"I'll go by myself."

His eyes shadowed. "I want you to look by the door, but don't stare. Then look back at me and laugh."

Suu was too annoyed to laugh but she did take a look. The three men who'd approached her earlier had taken a table by the door. One of them watched her.

"I'll bring the next client to the table," Ordin said. "Smile at whatever he says. Pretend you don't speak Basic."

She let him introduce her to the next man, and she smiled and spoke Twi'leki at him, and every so often, she let her eyes stray to the table by the door.

They made it back to the ship a few hours before dawn, stumbling into their bunk both stinking of the cantina's smoke and the stench of too many bodies drinking in a room together. Most nights when Ordin crawled home to her after working a bar this way, he woke her up with stale kisses. Tonight, he passed out beside her while she lay awake, too angry and sad to sleep.

She ought to go home.

In the dull morning light, Suu helped load the cargo on the ship. "Do you want to join me the next time?" he asked her as they lifted off. He kept his voice light and teasing, but with an edge.

"No."

The stars watched her coldly, and took no heed of her sorrow. That lonely pain stole away her energy, leaving her listless. She slept twenty or more hours out of every day, rising only to make their meals, or to sit in the cockpit staring out into the blue of hyperspace, or to nestle against Ordin after he spent himself inside her.

Three worlds later, they were on Gall, and Ordin was worried enough about her to take her to the medical facility. "She's ill," he explained to the droid, when Suu couldn't be bothered to tell it what was wrong.

The droid ran a brief scan. "Pregnancy confirmed."

Ordin blinked. Suu felt her limbs coming awake for the first time in weeks. "What?"

"Pregnancy confirmed." The droid spoke with a pleasant, neutral voice.

She didn't like the look on Ordin's face, which he dropped as soon as he saw her watching him. He said, choosing his words, "Can you tell me the child's species?"

A scanner hummed. "Confirmed. Fetus is a hybrid of human and Twi'lek."

"That's not possible," Suu said.

The droid said, "Incorrect. In two point six percent of matings, the species may produce viable offspring. Do you wish to terminate the pregnancy at this time?"

Suu shook her head. "No, thank you."

The droid provided her with several inoculations, from vitamin supplements to an anti-rejection cocktail. Suu smiled through each one. She would call her parents when they returned to the ship to invite them to the wedding.

"You deserve a big wedding," Ordin said, as soon as she mentioned her plan. "All your friends and family, you in a pretty dress, the best band in the Outer Rim playing." He swung her around and she laughed. "As soon as we've got the money, we'll think about it. I've got a great feeling about these manzo roots I've been hearing about."

She shook her head. "We should think about settling down on a nice world somewhere, not finding a buyer for manzo roots. This isn't a life for a child."

"Don't be foolish, Suu. I'll never get anywhere if I stay in one place. I'm out making contacts, growing the business. I can't put that aside now. Things will turn up. Then once we're rich, I can buy you the biggest wedding you've ever dreamed of and the nicest home you've ever seen."

"I don't care if we're rich as long as we're together."

"Then it's good that I'm the one who's thinking about our future." He kissed her before she could object to his logic, and soon enough she was distracted by more kisses.

When they lay together after, Suu snuggled against him. "It doesn't have to be a big house. We could have a farm. Grow our own food, raise our own livestock, watch our children grow up in peace."

"Sounds nice," he said, and fell asleep.

She didn't have the chance to contact her parents until the following day, and when she did, she was greeted by cool disinterest in her news, or in anything else she had to say. They had given Suu all the good advice they could, and now she could live with the consequences of not following any of it.

"I thought you would be happy," she said, her heart cracking.

Her mother hesitated a long time before replying. "I once hoped the same for you." The comm closed.

They returned to the medical facility on Gall for regular care, though Ordin grumbled about missed opportunities each time he brought the ship back there.

"You know what," he said, "if they're going to need to see you every other day from now on, why don't I get you a room here?" His patience with her frayed more with every trip. The pregnancy had taken a toll on her energy, leaving her too tired to help him load and unload cargo, and as her body swelled and her own interest in sex dwindled, his eyes drifted. She didn't think anything else had, but who could say, especially once he left her here while he went about his business without her?

"I'll see if I can cut back on my visits," she promised, but the medical droid insisted the moment she brought it up. There was a high risk to both mother and child if they were not seen regularly.

"I'll be back before you know it," Ordin said, carrying her bag of loose clothes, the only ones that fit, into the small rented room. Part of her didn't believe she'd ever see him again as soon as the door closed, but he returned several days and two jobs later with an armful of gifts.

After they had thoroughly greeted each other and lay content together in the darkened room, Suu said, "I've thought about what we talked about."

"Which time?" he asked, nuzzling her chin.

"Getting a farm somewhere. The Republic has a program to encourage colonization. Anyone can apply for a homestead grant on one of the colony worlds. We'd have to provide everything ourselves but the land is free for the asking." She'd been looking into worlds far from here, somewhere quiet like Laboi or Saleucami or Zarkis. Half the galaxy away from Ryloth would be good. She'd settle for a quarter of the galaxy away. "We could build our own home and live off the land."

Ordin laughed sleepily.

"I'm not joking."

He rolled over. "I'm no farmer, Suu, and you'd look terrible as a farmer's wife."

"You said it sounded nice."

"It's a nice dream. It's not going to happen." After a long time, he started to snore as Suu lay awake and remembered her parents' farm: the smell of good, rich soil turning under hard work, and the warm breath of animals filling the barn with patient rumination, and the knowledge that tomorrow would follow today in set cycles of sowing and harvesting. Adventure had been nice. The stars had been gorgeous to behold. Now she wanted more.

While Ordin was away on his trips, Suu had little to keep herself occupied. The skills she'd learned as a girl were useless here where she had no house to keep nor land to till. Although she'd learned mathematics and writing in school, she discovered now, as she looked for work, that she didn't know more than anyone else and needed more education if she intended to market her brain. School cost money, and Ordin had given her enough to pay for the room and to feed herself. Without a job, she couldn't purchase books, and without further study, she couldn't find a job.

Bored and lonely, she took long walks because exercise would help her body strengthen for what was to come, and the movement settled her uneasy mind. She learned the faces of the other residents of this transient city, and one benefit to the uncomfortable swell of her belly was how few of those faces viewed her with desire. She stayed out longer and longer, finding new friends to talk with, and strangers who needed a hand minding their own children, or mending a wall, who became her friends as well.

Her labor began while Ordin was five systems away. He made it back to Gall two days after the baby was born. "Hello, Shayla," he said, gently taking the girl from his arms.

"Shaeeah," Suu said.

"Right." He rubbed his nose against the baby's, watching her unfocused eyes. "When can we take her home?"

"In a few days. She looks healthy but there are many possible complications and the doctors want to be certain she'll be all right."

"I'm sure she's fine." He bent over Suu and kissed her head. "I love you, you know."

She smiled back at him, still worn out. Shaeeah wasn't the only one under observation, but Ordin hadn't asked and Suu didn't feel like telling him. She watched him hold and rock the baby, talking to her about his latest trip in a singsong voice to soothe her, but Suu paid attention and noticed that he almost never spoke their daughter's name, not now, not later. Shaeeah was always "Baby," and "Darling," and her father never got tired of telling her how pretty she was, just like her mother.

Occupied with their daughter, Suu let her part of the business slide. Ordin didn't need her to help make deals, as he'd pointed out. He'd never taught her how to pilot the ship. She couldn't load cargo and hold an infant at the same time.

"You could set her down," he said in annoyance, sweating over his load. Their antigrav lift was broken again, and they wouldn't have the money for a new one until after this job.

"Twi'lek children are carried until they can walk. It allows them to grow up knowing they are cared for."

"Human babies play on floors and they turn out fine."

Their arguments went this way every time, but Suu would not set her child down except to exercise her tiny muscles. Ordin had pointed out Ryloth boasted any number of large and small predators around that made constant vigilance a necessity there, while they were on a spaceship and his little darling couldn't reach the controls to the airlock.

Soon Suu would have to give in and set Shaeeah down. Despite being far more careful now, she'd been feeling the same symptoms she'd experienced a year ago.

"Again?" he asked, exasperated as they sat with a different droid.

"Do you wish to terminate the pregnancy at this time?" the droid asked her. Suu hesitated. She needed her energy to keep up with her daughter, but a second child would be a much-needed friend for Shaeeah as she grew and discovered how different she was from either of her two species.

"No, thank you. How often will I need to be seen?"

"Best outcome will be maintained by weekly visits."

Beside her, Ordin's face fell. "Suu...."

"I'll rent a room here again. Shaeeah will stay with me. You can visit."

"Fine," he said.

She didn't mention the wedding again. She did send a message to her parents but she didn't expect a response, nor did she receive one. Things were getting harder on Ryloth for everyone. The last thing they'd want to deal with would be their wayward pregnant daughter and her child.

Ordin was on world visiting when their son was born, and held her hand through the birth. He named him Jek after his own father. "Jek Talbot is a good name," he said proudly.

"Shaeeah doesn't carry your family name," Suu said. He hadn't been there when the documentation had been put in place, and Suu had listed her own family name of Lawquane instead. He'd never noticed, or never cared. "We can't keep the children on the ship. There isn't room."

"Then what do you want?"

"We should find a place to live."

"We have a place to live."

The fight lasted three days, on and off, until Suu was too tired to continue. Jek needed constant attention, and Shaeeah was too small to care for her own needs. Ordin reluctantly played with her and fed her, grumbling about losing all this time away from work.

"Shouldn't she be talking by now? When do Twi'lek kids talk?"

"The medical droid said hybrid children often take longer to reach their developmental milestones." She fumbled through the words she'd been told when she'd asked the same question, taking their daughter to her checkups alone. "We should not be concerned yet."

Suu arranged to extend her rental of the room she'd kept these last few months, and ignored Ordin's annoyance that a small room was big enough for the kids, but their ship wasn't.

"We can go outside." As soon as she was recovered, she took the children out for walks every day. He returned to the ship, promising to visit when time allowed, and for a while, he kept that promise.

The information she received later was unclear: a bar full of witnesses, all of them with personal reasons not to want official scrutiny into their own businesses, and not one could identify the human who'd pulled a blaster during an argument over payment, and he'd fled, leaving bodies behind him. Four injured, three dead.

Too many emotions competed in her heart as she waited in the constable's office, waiting to identify Ordin's body. Suu had left the children with a friend. She didn't want Shaeeah to remember her father as a cold corpse. 

"You're his wife?" asked the tired woman who led her into the stasis room. Suu nodded. It wasn't quite a lie, and truth no longer mattered. "I'm sorry for your loss. I'll need you to fill out some forms when you're ready. I can give you a few minutes."

"No," Suu said, looking at his face. She'd loved him, and she loved the children he'd given her, and he was gone now. Her heart grieved more for the life she'd once believed they would share than it did for the loss of this future with him. "I can sign the forms."

Suu sold the ship. The original offer was too low for her liking, and she broke into tears, sobbing into Jek's head about her future as a destitute widow until the buyer added another three thousand to the offer. She hadn't intended to put a price on her own self-respect, but three thousand credits made the sting easier to bear. It also purchased farm equipment and a flock of nunas. 

She worked as hard as she could. This was the life she'd fled into the stars, and now it was the life she wanted more than anything. She taught her daughter to read and write, and hoped her son would learn to talk soon. Every night after she put them to bed, she sat outside and gazed up into the bright stars.

One night like any other, as she watched the sky, a starship chased another across the horizon, lighting the darkness like fireworks, and she wondered what it meant.

**Author's Note:**

> Companion fic: [The Sun is Bright, The Sun Is Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9515012)


End file.
